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Category: Funny Animal Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems about animals, snakes, lions, cats, birds, frogs, and more.

  A DARWINIAN BALLAD  

Oh, many have told of the monkeys of old,
    What a pleasant race they were,
And it seems most true that I and you
    Are derived from an apish pair.
They all had nails, and some had tails,
    And some--no "accounts in arrear";
They climbed up the trees, and they scratched out the--these
    Of course I will not mention here.

They slept in a wood, or wherever they could,
    For they didn't know how to make beds;
They hadn't got huts; they dined upon nuts,
    Which they cracked upon each other's heads.
They hadn't much scope, for a comb, brush or soap,
    Or towels, or kettle or fire.
They had no coats nor capes, for ne'er did these apes
    Invent what they didn't require.

The sharpest baboon never used fork or spoon,
    Nor made any boots for his toes,
Nor could any thief steal a silk handker-chief,
    For no ape thought much of his nose;
They had cold collations; they ate poor relations:
    Provided for thus, by-the-bye.
No Ou-rang-ou-tang a song ever sang--
    He couldn't, and so didn't try.

From these though descended our manners are mended,
    Though still we can grin and backbite!
We cut up each other, be he friend or brother,
    And tales are the fashion--at night.
This origination is all speculation--
    We gamble in various shapes;
So Mr. Darwin may speculate in
    Our ancestors having been apes.

                                             Unknown.


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