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Category: Funny Animal Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems about animals, snakes, lions, cats, birds, frogs, and more.


Remembering his taste for blood
    You'd better bait him with a cow;
Persuade the brute to chew the cud
    Her tail suspended from a bough;
It thrills the lion through and through
    To hear the milky creature moo.

Having arranged this simple ruse,
    Yourself you climb a neighboring tree;
See to it that the spot you choose
    Commands the coming tragedy;
Take up a smallish Maxim gun,
    A search-light, whisky, and a bun.

It's safer, too, to have your bike
    Standing immediately below,
In case your piece should fail to strike,
    Or deal an ineffective blow;
The Lion moves with perfect grace,
    But cannot go the scorcher's pace.

Keep open ear for subtle signs;
    Thus, when the cow profusely moans,
That means to say, the Lion dines.
    The crunching sound, of course, is bones;
Silence resumes her ancient reign--
    This shows the cow is out of pain.

But when a fat and torpid hum
    Escapes the eater's unctuous nose,
Turn up the light and let it come
    Full on his innocent repose;
Then pour your shot between his eyes,
    And go on pouring till he dies.

Play, even so, discretion's part;
    Descend with stealth; bring on your gun;
Then lay your hand above his heart
    To see if he is really done;
Don't skin him till you know he's dead
Or you may perish in his stead!

             *             *             *             *             *

Years hence, at home, when talk is tall,
    You'll set the gun-room wide agape,
Describing how with just a small
    Pea-rifle, going after ape
You met a Lion unaware,
    And felled him flying through the air.

                                                    Owen Seaman.

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