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Category: Funny Animal Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems about animals, snakes, lions, cats, birds, frogs, and more.

  OF BAITING THE LION  


Remembering his taste for blood
    You'd better bait him with a cow;
Persuade the brute to chew the cud
    Her tail suspended from a bough;
It thrills the lion through and through
    To hear the milky creature moo.

Having arranged this simple ruse,
    Yourself you climb a neighboring tree;
See to it that the spot you choose
    Commands the coming tragedy;
Take up a smallish Maxim gun,
    A search-light, whisky, and a bun.

It's safer, too, to have your bike
    Standing immediately below,
In case your piece should fail to strike,
    Or deal an ineffective blow;
The Lion moves with perfect grace,
    But cannot go the scorcher's pace.

Keep open ear for subtle signs;
    Thus, when the cow profusely moans,
That means to say, the Lion dines.
    The crunching sound, of course, is bones;
Silence resumes her ancient reign--
    This shows the cow is out of pain.

But when a fat and torpid hum
    Escapes the eater's unctuous nose,
Turn up the light and let it come
    Full on his innocent repose;
Then pour your shot between his eyes,
    And go on pouring till he dies.

Play, even so, discretion's part;
    Descend with stealth; bring on your gun;
Then lay your hand above his heart
    To see if he is really done;
Don't skin him till you know he's dead
Or you may perish in his stead!

             *             *             *             *             *

Years hence, at home, when talk is tall,
    You'll set the gun-room wide agape,
Describing how with just a small
    Pea-rifle, going after ape
You met a Lion unaware,
    And felled him flying through the air.

                                                    Owen Seaman.


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