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Category: Funny Banter Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems in a playful, teasing, and good-natured way.

  IF WE DIDN'T HAVE TO EAT  

Life would be an easy matter
    If we didn't have to eat.
        If we never had to utter,
        "Won't you pass the bread and butter,
Likewise push along that platter
    Full of meat?"
    Yes, if food were obsolete
    Life would be a jolly treat,
If we didn't--shine or shower,
Old or young, 'bout every hour--
    Have to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat--
    'Twould be jolly if we didn't have to eat.

We could save a lot of money
    If we didn't have to eat.
        Could we cease our busy buying,
        Baking, broiling, brewing, frying,
Life would then be oh, so sunny
    And complete;
    And we wouldn't fear to greet
    Every grocer in the street
If we didn't--man and woman,
Every hungry, helpless human--
    Have to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat--
    We'd save money if we didn't have to eat.

All our worry would be over
    If we didn't have to eat.
        Would the butcher, baker, grocer
        Get our hard-earned dollars? No, Sir!
We would then be right in clover
    Cool and sweet.
    Want and hunger we could cheat,
    And we'd get there with both feet,
If we didn't--poor or wealthy,
Halt or nimble, sick or healthy--
    Have to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat,
    We could get there if we didn't have to eat.

                                                         Nixon Waterman.


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