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Category: Funny Banter Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems in a playful, teasing, and good-natured way.

  THE PRACTICAL JOKER  

Oh, what a fund of joy jocund lies hid in harmless hoaxes!
                What keen enjoyment springs
                From cheap and simple things!
What deep delight from sources trite inventive humour coaxes,
                That pain and trouble brew
                For every one but you!

Gunpowder placed inside its waist improves a mild Havana,
                Its unexpected flash
                Burns eyebrows and moustache.
When people dine no kind of wine beats ipecacuanha,
                But common sense suggests
                You keep it for your guests--

Then naught annoys the organ boys like throwing red hot coppers.
                And much amusement bides
                In common butter slides;
And stringy snares across the stairs cause unexpected croppers.

                Coal scuttles, recollect,
                Produce the same effect.

                        A man possessed
                            Of common sense
                        Need not invest
                            At great expense

                        It does not call
                            For pocket deep,
                        These jokes are all
                            Extremely cheap.

If you commence with eighteenpence--it's all you'll have to pay;
You may command a pleasant and a most instructive day.

A good spring gun breeds endless fun, and makes men jump like rockets--

                And turnip heads on posts
                Make very decent ghosts.

Then hornets sting like anything, when placed in waistcoat pockets--

                Burnt cork and walnut juice
                Are not without their use.

No fun compares with easy chairs whose seats are stuffed with needles--

                Live shrimps their patience tax
                When put down people's backs.

Surprising, too, what one can do with a pint of fat black beetles--

                And treacle on a chair
                Will make a Quaker swear!

                        Then sharp tin tacks
                            And pocket squirts--
                        And cobbler's wax
                            For ladies' skirts--

                        And slimy slugs
                            On bedroom floors--
                        And water jugs
                            On open doors--

Prepared with these cheap properties, amusing tricks to play
Upon a friend a man may spend a most delightful day.

                                                                                        W. S. Gilbert.


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