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Category: Funny Cynicism Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using cynicism and a disdain for general opinion, as well as distrust of the intentions of others.


"Gimme my scarlet tie,"
                                                        Says I.
"Gimme my brownest boots and hat,
Gimme a vest with a pattern fancy,
Gimme a gel with some style, like Nancy,
And then--well, it's gimes as I'll be at,
Seein' as its bangkolidye,"
                                                        Says I.

"May miss it, but we'll try,"
                                                        Says I.
Nancy ran like a frightened 'en
Hup the steps of the bloomin' styeshun.
Bookin'-orfus at last! Salvyeshun!
An' the two returns was five-and-ten.
"An' travellin' mikes your money fly,"
                                                        Says I.

"This atmosphere is 'igh,"
                                                        Says I.
Twelve in a carriage is pretty thick,
When 'ite of the twelve is a sittin', smokin';
Nancy started 'er lawkin, and jokin',
Syin' she 'oped as we shouldn't be sick;
"Don't go on, or you'll mike me die!"
                                                        Says I.

"Three styeshuns we've porst by,"
                                                        Says I.
"So hout we get at the next, my gel."
When we got hout, she wer pale and saint-like,
White in the gills, and sorter faint-like,
An' said my cigaw 'ad a powerful smell,
"Well, it's the sime as I always buy,"
                                                        Says I.

"'Ites them clouds in the sky,"
                                                        Says I.
"Don't like 'em at all," I says, "that's flat--
Black as your boots and sorter thick'nin'."
"If it's wet," says she, "it will be sick'nin'.
I wish as I'd brought my other 'at."
"You thinks too much of your finery,"
                                                        Says I.

"Keep them sanwidjus dry,"
                                                        Says I.
When the rine came down in a reggiler sheet.
But what can yo do with one umbrella,
And a damp gel strung on the arm of a fella?
"Well, rined-on 'am ain't pleasant to eat,
If yer don't believe it, just go an try,"
                                                        Says I.

"There is some gels whort cry,"
                                                        Says I.
"And there is some don't shed a tear,
But just get tempers, and when they has'em
Reaches a pint in their sarcasem,
As on'y a dorg could bear to 'ear."
This unto Nancy by-and-by,
                                                        Says I.

All's hover now. And why,
                                                        Says I.
But why did I wear them boots, that vest?
The bloom is off 'em; they're sad to see;
And hev'rythin's off twixt Nancy and me;
And my trousers is off and gone to be pressed--
And ain't this a blimed bangkolidye?
                                                        Says I.

                                             Barry Pain.

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