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Category: Funny Narrative Poems
Classic humorous and funny story poems. Narrative poems are written accounts of connected events in poetry format. A GREAT FIGHT "There was a man in Arkansaw
As let his passions rise,
And not unfrequently picked out
Some other varmint's eyes.
"His name was Tuscaloosa Sam
And often he would say,
'There's not a cuss in Arkansaw
I can't whip any day.'
"One morn, a stranger passin' by,
Heard Sammy talkin' so,
And down he scrambled from his hoss,
And off his coat did go.
"He sorter kinder shut one eye,
And spit into his hand,
And put his ugly head one side,
And twitched his trowsers' band.
"'My boy,' says he, 'it's my belief,
Whomever you may be,
That I kin make you screech, and smell
Pertiklor agony.'
"I'm thar,' said Tuscaloosa Sam,
And chucked his hat away;
'I'm thar,' says he, and buttoned up
As far as buttons may.
"He thundered on the stranger's mug,
The stranger pounded he;
And oh! the way them critters fit
Was beautiful to see.
"They clinched like two rampageous bears,
And then went down a bit;
They swore a stream of six-inch oaths
And fit, and fit, and fit.
"When Sam would try to work away,
And on his pegs to git,
The stranger'd pull him back; and so,
They fit, and fit, and fit!
"Then like a pair of lobsters, both
Upon the ground were knit,
And yet the varmints used their teeth,
And fit, and fit, and fit!!
"The sun of noon was high above,
And hot enough to split,
But only riled the fellers more,
That fit, and fit, and fit!!!
"The stranger snapped at Samy's nose,
And shortened it a bit;
And then they both swore awful hard,
And fit, and fit, and fit!!!!
"The mud it flew, the sky grew dark,
And all the litenins lit;
But still them critters rolled about,
And fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!
"First Sam on top, then t'other chap;
When one would make a hit,
The other'd smell the grass; and so
They fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!!
"The night came on, the stars shone out
As bright as wimmen's wit;
And still them fellers swore and gouged,
And fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!!!
"The neighbours heard the noise they made,
And thought an earthquake lit;
Yet all the while 'twas him and Sam
As fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!!!!
"For miles around the noise was heard;
Folks couldn't sleep a bit,
Because them two rantankerous chaps
Still fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!!!!!
"But jist at cock-crow, suddenly,
There came an awful pause,
And I and my old man run out
To ascertain the cause.
"The sun was rising in the yeast,
And lit the hull concern;
But not a sign of either chap
Was found at any turn.
"Yet, in the region where they fit,
We found, to our surprise,
One pint of buttons, two big knives,
Some whiskers, and four, eyes!"
Robert Henry Newell.
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