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Category: Funny Narrative Poems
       Classic humorous and funny story poems. Narrative poems are written accounts of connected events in poetry format.

  KITTY WANTS TO WRITE  

Kitty wants to write! Kitty intellectual!
    What has been effectual to turn her stockings blue?
Kitty's seventh season has brought sufficient reason,
    She has done 'most everything that there is left to do!
    Half of them to laugh about and half of them to rue,--
Now we wait in terror for Kitty's wildest error.
    What has she to write about? Wheeeeeeeeew!

Kitty wants to write! DÈbutante was Kitty,
    Frivolous and witty as ever bud that blew.
Kitty lacked sobriety, yet she ran society,
    A leader whom the chaperons indulged a year or two;
    Corner-men, eligibles, dancing-dolls she knew,--
Kitty then was slighted, ne'er again invited;
    What has she to write about? Wheeeeeeeeew!

Kitty wants to write! At the Social Settlement
    Girls of Kitty's mettle meant a mission for a few;
Men to teach the classes, men to mould the masses,
    Men to follow Kitty to adventures strange and new.
    Some of her benevolence was hidden out of view!--
A patroness offended, Kitty's slumming ended.
    What is there to write about? Wheeeeeeeeew!

Kitty wants to write! Kitty was a mystic,
    Deep from cabalistic lore many hints she drew!
Freaks of all description, Hindoo and Egyptian,
    Prattled in her parlor--such a wild and hairy crew!
    Many came for money, and one or two to woo--
Kitty's pet astrologer wanted to acknowledge her!
    What has she to write about? Wheeeeeeeeew!

Kitty wants to write! Kitty was a doctor;
    Nothing ever shocked her, though they hazed a little, too!
Kitty learned of medicos how a heart unsteady goes,
    Besides a score of secrets that are secrets still to you.
    Kitty's course in medicine gave her many a clue--
Much of modern history now is less a mystery.
    What has she to write about? Wheeeeeeeeew!

Kitty wants to write! Everybody's writing!
    Won't it be exciting, the panic to ensue?
We who all have known her, think what we have shown her!
    Read it in the magazines! Which half of this is true?
    Where did she get that idea? Is it him, or who?--
Kitty's wretched enemies now will learn what venom is!
    What has she to write about? Wheeeeeeeeew!

                                                                         Gelett Burgess.


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