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Category: Funny Narrative Poems
       Classic humorous and funny story poems. Narrative poems are written accounts of connected events in poetry format.

  MY AUNT'S SPECTRE  

They tell me (but I really can't
    Imagine such a rum thing),
|It| is the phantom of my Aunt,
    Who ran away--or something.

|It| is the very worst of bores:
    (My Aunt was most delightful).
|It| prowls about the corridors,
    And utters noises frightful.

At midnight through the rooms |It| glides,
    Behaving very coolly,
Our hearts all throb against our sides--
    The lights are burning bluely.

The lady, in her living hours,
    Was the most charming vixen
That ever this poor sex of ours
    Delighted to play tricks on.

Yes, that's her portrait on the wall,
    In quaint old-fangled bodice:
Her eyes are blue--her waist is small--
    A ghost! Pooh, pooh,--a goddess!
A fine patrician shape, to suit
    My dear old father's sister--
Lips softly curved, a dainty foot:
    Happy the man that kissed her!

Light hair of crisp irregular curl
    Over fair shoulders scattered--
Egad, she was a pretty girl,
    Unless Sir Thomas flattered!

And who the deuce, in these bright days,
    Could possibly expect her
To take to dissipated ways,
    And plague us as a spectre?

                    Mortimer Collins.


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