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Category: Funny Nonsense Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems, absurd and whimsical, foolish, no meaning, nonsense, and generally not making a lot of sense.

  SCIENTIFIC PROOF  

If we square a lump of pemmican
    And cube a pot of tea,
Divide a musk ox by the span
    From noon to half-past three;
If we calculate the Eskimo
    By solar parallax,
Divide the sextant by a floe
    And multiply the cracks
By nth-powered igloos, we may prove
    All correlated facts.

If we prolongate the parallel
    Indefinitely forth,
And cube a sledge till we can tell
    The real square root of North;
Bisect a seal and bifurcate
    The tangent with a pack
Of Polar ice, we get the rate
    Along the Polar track,
And proof of corollary things
    Which otherwise we lack.

If we multiply the Arctic night
    By X times ox times moose,
And build an igloo on the site
    Of its hypotenuse;
If we circumscribe an arc about
    An Arctic dog and weigh
A segment of it, every doubt
    Is made as clear as day.
We also get the price of ice
    F. O. B. Baffin's Bay.

If we amplify the Arctic breeze
    By logarithmic signs,
And run through the isosceles
    Imaginary lines,
We find that twice the half of one
    Is equal to the whole.
Which, when the calculus is done,
    Quite demonstrates the Pole.
It also gives its length and breadth
    And what's the price of coal.

                                            J. W. Foley.


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