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Category: Funny Satire Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using irony, exaggeration and ridicule, to expose and criticize stupidity and vices.

  AFTER HORACE  

What asks the Bard? He prays for nought
    But what the truly virtuous crave:
That is, the things he plainly ought
                    To have.

'Tis not for wealth, with all the shocks
    That vex distracted millionaires,
Plagued by their fluctuating stocks
                    And shares:

While plutocrats their millions new
    Expend upon each costly whim,
A great deal less than theirs will do
                    For him:

The simple incomes of the poor
    His meek poetic soul content:
Say, £30,000 at four
                    Per cent.!

His taste in residence is plain:
    No palaces his heart rejoice:
A cottage in a lane (Park Lane
                    For choice)

Here be his days in quiet spent:
    Here let him meditate the Muse:
Baronial Halls were only meant
                    For Jews,

And lands that stretch with endless span
    From east to west, from south to north,
Are often much more trouble than
                    They're worth!

Let epicures who eat too much
    Become uncomfortably stout:
Let gourmets feel th' approaching touch
                    Of gout,--

The Bard subsists on simpler food:
    A dinner, not severely plain,
A pint or so of really good
                    Champagne--

Grant him but these, no care he'll take
    Though Laureates bask in Fortune's smile,
Though Kiplings and Corellis make
                    Their pile:

Contented with a scantier dole
    His humble Muse serenely jogs,
Remote from scenes where authors roll
                    Their logs:

Far from the madding crowd she lurks,
    And really cares no single jot
Whether the public read her works
                    Or not!

                                    A. D. Godley.


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