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Category: Funny Satire Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using irony, exaggeration and ridicule, to expose and criticize stupidity and vices.

  A SONG OF IMPOSSIBILITIES  

Lady, I loved you all last year,
    How honestly and well--
Alas! would weary you to hear,
    And torture me to tell;
I raved beneath the midnight sky,
    I sang beneath the limes--
Orlando in my lunacy,
    And Petrarch in my rhymes.
But all is over! When the sun
    Dries up the boundless main,
When black is white, false-hearted one,
    I may be yours again!

When passion's early hopes and fears
    Are not derided things;
When truth is found in falling tears,
    Or faith in golden rings;
When the dark Fates that rule our way
    Instruct me where they hide
One woman that would ne'er betray,
    One friend that never lied;
When summer shines without a cloud,
    And bliss without a pain;
When worth is noticed in a crowd,
    I may be yours again!

When science pours the light of day
    Upon the lords of lands;
When Huskisson is heard to say
    That Lethbridge understands;
When wrinkles work their way in youth,
    Or Eldon's in a hurry;
When lawyers represent the truth,
    Or Mr. Sumner Surrey;
When aldermen taste eloquence
    Or bricklayers champagne;
When common law is common sense,
    I may be yours again!

When learned judges play the beau,
    Or learned pigs the tabor;
When traveller Bankes beats Cicero,
    Or Mr. Bishop Weber;
When sinking funds discharge a debt,
    Or female hands a bomb;
When bankrupts study the Gazette,
    Or colleges Tom Thumb;
When little fishes learn to speak,
    Or poets not to feign;
When Dr. Geldart construes Greek,
    I may be yours again!

When Pole and Thornton honour cheques,
    Or Mr. Const a rogue;
When Jericho's in Middlesex,
    Or minuets in vogue;
When Highgate goes to Devonport,
    Or fashion to Guildhall;
When argument is heard at Court,
    Or Mr. Wynn at all;
When Sydney Smith forgets to jest,
    Or farmers to complain;
When kings that are are not the best,
    I may be yours again!

When peers from telling money shrink,
    Or monks from telling lies;
When hydrogen begins to sink,
    Or Grecian scrip to rise;
When German poets cease to dream,
    Americans to guess;
When Freedom sheds her holy beam
    On Negroes, and the Press;
When there is any fear of Rome,
    Or any hope of Spain;
When Ireland is a happy home,
    I may be yours again!

When you can cancel what has been,
    Or alter what must be,
Or bring once more that vanished scene,
    Those withered joys to me;
When you can tune the broken lute,
    Or deck the blighted wreath,
Or rear the garden's richest fruit,
    Upon a blasted heath;
When you can lure the wolf at bay
    Back to his shattered chain,
To-day may then be yesterday--
    I may be yours again!

                        Winthrop Mackworth Praed.


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