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Category: Funny Satire Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using irony, exaggeration and ridicule, to expose and criticize stupidity and vices.

  TWELVE ARTICLES  

                         I

Lest it may more quarrels breed,
I will never hear you read.

                         II

By disputing, I will never,
To convince you once endeavor.

                        III

When a paradox you stick to,
I will never contradict you.

                         IV

When I talk and you are heedless,
I will show no anger needless.

                         V

When your speeches are absurd,
I will ne'er object a word.

                         VI

When you furious argue wrong,
I will grieve and hold my tongue.

                        VII

Not a jest or humorous story
Will I ever tell before ye:
To be chidden for explaining,
When you quite mistake the meaning.

                     VIII

Never more will I suppose,
You can taste my verse or prose.

                         IX

You no more at me shall fret,
While I teach and you forget.

                         X

You shall never hear me thunder,
When you blunder on, and blunder.

                         XI

Show your poverty of spirit,
And in dress place all your merit;
Give yourself ten thousand airs:
That with me shall break no squares.

                        XII

Never will I give advice,
Till you please to ask me thrice:
Which if you in scorn reject,
'T will be just as I expect.

Thus we both shall have our ends
And continue special friends.

                                     Dean Swift.


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