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Category: Funny Tribute Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using tribute, poetry intended to show respect, gratitude or admiration, but in a whimsical way.

  ADDRESS TO THE TOOTHACHE  

My curse upon your venom'd stang,
That shoots my tortur'd gooms alang;
An' thro' my lug gies monie a twang,
                                    Wi' gnawing vengeance,
Tearing my nerves wi' bitter pang,
                                    Like racking engines!

A' down my beard the slavers trickle!
I throw the wee stools o'er the mickle,
While round the fire the giglets keckle
                                    To see me loup;
An', raving mad, I wish a heckle
                                    Were i' their doup!

When fevers burn, or ague freezes,
Rheumatics gnaw, or colic squeezes,
Our neebors sympathize to ease us
                                    Wi' pitying moan;
But thee!--thou hell o' a' diseases,
                                    They mock our groan!

Of a' the num'rous human dools,
Ill-hairsts, daft bargains, cutty-stools,
Or worthy frien's laid i' the mools,
                                    Sad sight to see!
The tricks o' knaves, or fash o' fools,
                                    Thou bear'st the gree!

Whare'er that place be priests ca' hell,
Whare a' the tones o' misery yell,
An' rankËd plagues their numbers tell
                                    In dreadfu' raw,
Thou, Toothache, surely bear'st the bell
                                    Amang them a'!

O thou grim, mischief-making chiel,
That gars the notes o' discord squeel,
'Till humankind aft dance a reel
                                    In gore a shoe-thick;--
Gie a' the faes o' Scotland's weal
                                    A towmond's toothache!

                                                 Robert Burns.


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