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Category: Funny Tribute Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using tribute, poetry intended to show respect, gratitude or admiration, but in a whimsical way.

  THE AHKOND OF SWAT  

Who, or why, or which, or what,
                                                                 Is the Ahkond of Swat?

Is he tall or short, or dark or fair?
Does he sit on a stool or sofa or chair,            or Squat,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Is he wise or foolish, young or old?
Does he drink his soup and his coffee cold,         or Hot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he sing or whistle, jabber or talk,
And when riding abroad does he gallop or walk, or Trot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he wear a turban, a fez, or a hat?
Does he sleep on a mattress, a bed or a mat,    or a Cot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

When he writes a copy in round-hand size,
Does he cross his t's and finish his i's        with a Dot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Can he write a letter concisely clear,
Without a speck or a smudge or smear                 or a Blot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Do his people like him extremely well?
Or do they, whenever they can, rebel,                    or Plot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

If he catches them then, either old or young,
Does he have them chopped in pieces or hung,     or Shot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Do his people prig in the lanes or park?
Or even at times, when days are dark,                    Garotte?
                                                                Oh, the Ahkond of Swat?

Does he study the wants of his own dominion?
Or doesn't he care for public opinion                        a Jot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

To amuse his mind do his people show him
Pictures, or any one's last new poem,                    or What,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

At night if he suddenly screams and wakes,
Do they bring him only a few small cakes,         or a Lot,
                                                                For the Ahkond of Swat?

Does he live on turnips, tea or tripe,
Does he like his shawl to be marked with a stripe
                                                                                            or a Dot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he like to lie on his back in a boat
Like the lady who lived in that isle remote,     Shalott.
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Is he quiet, or always making a fuss?
Is his steward a Swiss or a Swede or a Russ, or a Scot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he like to sit by the calm blue wave?
Or to sleep and snore in a dark green cave, or a Grott,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he drink small beer from a silver jug?
Or a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a mug?        or a Pot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he beat his wife with a gold-topped pipe,
When she lets the gooseberries grow too ripe,     or Rot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he wear a white tie when he dines with his friends,
And tie it neat in a bow with ends,                    or a Knot,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he like new cream, and hate mince-pies?
When he looks at the sun does he wink his eyes, or Not,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Does he teach his subjects to roast and bake?
Does he sail about on an inland lake,             in a Yacht,
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

Some one, or nobody knows I wot
Who or which or why or what
                                                                 The    Ahkond    of    Swat?

                                                                                 Edward Lear.


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