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Category: Funny Whimsical Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using whimsy. Humourosly quaint and fanciful, especially in an amusing way.

  NINETY-NINE IN THE SHADE  

O for a lodge in a garden of cucumbers!
    O for an iceberg or two at control!
O for a vale which at mid-day the dew cumbers!
    O for a pleasure-trip up to the pole!

O for a little one-story thermometer,
    With nothing but zeroes all ranged in a row!
O for a big double-barreled hygrometer,
    To measure this moisture that rolls from my brow!

O that this cold world were twenty times colder!
    (That's irony red-hot it seemeth to me);
O for a turn of its dreaded cold shoulder!
    O what a comfort an ague would be!

O for a grotto frost-lined and rill-riven,
    Scooped in the rock under cataract vast!
O for a winter of discontent even!
    O for wet blankets judiciously cast!

O for a soda-fount spouting up boldly
    From every hot lamp-post against the hot sky!
O for proud maiden to look on me coldly,
    Freezing my soul with a glance of her eye!

Then O for a draught from a cup of cold pizen,
    And O for a resting-place in the cold grave!
With a bath in the Styx where the thick shadow lies on
    And deepens the chill of its dark-running wave.

                                                                     Rossiter Johnson.


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