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Category: Funny Women Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems for women, and about women. The good, the bad, and the lovely.

  THE FAIR MILLINGER  

It was a millinger most gay,
    As sat within her shop;
A student came along that way,
    And in he straight did pop.
Clean shaven he, of massive mould,
    He thought his looks was killing her;
So lots of stuff to him she sold:
    "Thanks!" says the millinger.

He loafed around and seemed to try
    On all things to converse;
The millinger did mind her eye,
    But also mound his purse.
He tried, then, with his flattering tongue,
    With nonsense to be filling her;
But she was sharp, though she was young:
    "Thanks," said the millinger.

He asked her to the theatre,
    They got into my car;
Our steeds were tired, could hardly stir,
    He thought the way not far.
A pretty pict-i-ure she made,
    No doctors had been pilling her;
Fairly the fair one's fare he paid:
    "Thanks!" said the millinger.

When we arrived in Bowdoin Square,
    A female to them ran;
Then says that millinger so fair:
    "O, thank you, Mary Ann!
She's going with us, she is," says she,
    "She only is fulfilling her
Duty in looking after me:
    Thanks!" said that millinger.

"Why," says that student chap to her,
    "I've but two seats to hand."
"Too bad," replied that millinger,
    "Then you will have to stand."
"I won't stand this," says he, "I own
    The joke which you've been drilling her;
Here, take the seats and go alone!"
    "Thanks!" says the millinger.

That ere much-taken-down young man
    Stepped back into my car.
We got fresh horses, off they ran;
    He thought the distance far.
And now she is my better half,
    And oft, when coo-and-billing her,
I think about that chap and laugh:
    "Thanks!" says my millinger.

                                 Fred W. Loring.


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