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Category: Funny Women Poems
Classic humorous and funny poems for women, and about women. The good, the bad, and the lovely. TU QUOQUE AN IDYLL IN THE CONSERVATORY
|nellie|
If I were you, when ladies at the play, Sir,
Beckon and nod, a melodrama through,
I would not turn abstractedly away, Sir,
If I were you!
|frank|
If I were you, when persons I affected,
Wait for three hours to take me down to Kew,
I would at least pretend I recollected,
If I were you!
|nellie|
If I were you, when ladies are so lavish,
Sir, as to keep me every waltz but two,
I would not dance with odious Miss M'Tavish,
If I were you!
|frank|
If I were you, who vow you cannot suffer
Whiff of the best,--the mildest "honey dew,"
I would not dance with smoke-consuming Puffer,
If I were you!
|nellie|
If I were you, I would not, Sir, be bitter,
Even to write the "Cynical Review";--
|frank|
No, I should doubtless find flirtation fitter,
If I were you!
|nellie|
Really! You would? Why, Frank, you're quite delightful,--
Hot as Othello, and as black of hue;
Borrow my fan. I would not look so frightful,
If I were you!
|frank|
"It is the cause." I mean your chaperon is
Bringing some well-curled juvenile. Adieu!
I shall retire. I'd spare that poor Adonis,
If I were you!
|nellie|
Go, if you will. At once! And by express, Sir!
Where shall it be? To China--or Peru?
Go. I should leave inquirers my address, Sir,
If I were you!
|frank|
No--I remain. To stay and fight a duel
Seems, on the whole, the proper thing to do--
Ah, you are strong,--I would not then be cruel,
If I were you!
|nellie|
One does not like one's feelings to be doubted,--
|frank|
One does not like one's friends to misconstrue,--
|nellie|
If I confess that I a wee-bit pouted?
|frank|
I should admit that I was piquÈ, too.
|nellie|
Ask me to dance. I'd say no more about it,
If I were you!
[Waltz--Exeunt.]
Austin Dobson.
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