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Category: Funny Banter Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems in a playful, teasing, and good-natured way.

  A TALE OF A GRANDFATHER  

I know not of what we ponder'd
    Or made pretty pretence to talk,
As, her hand within mine, we wander'd
    Tow'rd the pool by the lime-tree walk,
While the dew fell in showers from the passion flowers
    And the blush-rose bent on her stalk.

I cannot recall her figure:
    Was it regal as Juno's own?
Or only a trifle bigger
    Than the elves who surround the throne
Of the FaÎry Queen, and are seen, I ween,
    By mortals in dreams alone?

What her eyes were like, I know not:
    Perhaps they were blurr'd with tears;
And perhaps in your skies there glow not
    (On the contrary) clearer spheres.
No! as to her eyes I am just as wise
    As you or the cat, my dears.

Her teeth, I presume, were "pearly":
    But which was she, brunette or blonde?
Her hair, was it quaintly curly,
    Or as straight as a beadle's wand?
That I fail'd to remark;--it was rather dark
    And shadowy round the pond.

Then the hand that reposed so snugly
    In mine,--was it plump or spare?
Was the countenance fair or ugly?
    Nay, children, you have me there!
My eyes were p'r'aps blurr'd; and besides I'd heard
    That it's horribly rude to stare.

And I--was I brusque and surly?
    Or oppressively bland and fond?
Was I partial to rising early?
    Or why did we twain abscond,
All breakfastless, too, from the public view,
    To prowl by a misty pond?

What pass'd, what was felt or spoken--
    Whether anything pass'd at all--
And whether the heart was broken
    That beat under that shelt'ring shawl--
(If shawl she had on, which I doubt)--has gone,
    Yes, gone from me past recall.

Was I haply the lady's suitor?
    Or her uncle? I can't make out--
Ask your governess, dears, or tutor.
    For myself, I'm in hopeless doubt
As to why we were there, who on earth we were,
    And, what this is all about.

                                     Charles Stuart Calverley.


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