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Category: Funny Banter Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems in a playful, teasing, and good-natured way.

  THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD WITH HIS SON  

O what harper could worthily harp it,
    Mine Edward! this wide-stretching wold
(Look out wold) with its wonderful carpet
    Of emerald, purple and gold!
Look well at it--also look sharp, it
        Is getting so cold.

The purple is heather (erica);
    The yellow, gorse--call'd sometimes "whin."
Cruel boys on its prickles might spike a
    Green beetle as if on a pin.
You may roll in it, if you would like a
        Few holes in your skin.

You wouldn't? Then think of how kind you
    Should be to the insects who crave
Your compassion--and then, look behind you
    At yon barley-ears! Don't they look brave
As they undulate--(undulate, mind you,
        From unda, a wave).

The noise of those sheep-bells, how faint it
    Sounds here--(on account of our height)!
And this hillock itself--who could paint it,
    With its changes of shadow and light?
Is it not--(never, Eddy, say "ain't it")--
    A marvelous sight?

Then yon desolate eerie morasses.
    The haunts of the snipe and the hern--
(I shall question the two upper classes
    On aquatiles, when we return)--
Why, I see on them absolute masses
        Of filix or fern.

How it interests e'en a beginner
    (Or tiro) like dear little Ned!
Is he listening? As I am a sinner
    He's asleep--he is wagging his head.
Wake up! I'll go home to my dinner,
        And you to your bed.

The boundless ineffable prairie;
    The splendor of mountain and lake
With their hues that seem ever to vary;
    The mighty pine forests which shake
In the wind, and in which the unwary
        May tread on a snake;

And this wold with its heathery garment--
    Are themes undeniably great.
But--although there is not any harm in't--
    It's perhaps little good to dilate
On their charms to a dull little varmint
        Of seven or eight.

                         Charles Stuart Calverley.


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