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Category: Funny Banter Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems in a playful, teasing, and good-natured way.

  THE IRISH SCHOOLMASTER  

"Come here, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Jist tell me who King David was--
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"King David was a mighty man,
    And he was King of Spain, Sir;
His eldest daughter 'Jessie' was
    The 'Flower of Dunblane,' Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Sir Isaac Newton--who was he?
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Sir Isaac Newton was the boy
    That climbed the apple-tree, Sir;
He then fell down and broke his crown,
    And lost his gravity, Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Jist tell me who ould Marmion was--
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Ould Marmion was a soldier bold,
    But he went all to pot, Sir;
He was hanged upon the gallows tree,
    For killing Sir Walter Scott, Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Jist tell me who Sir Rob Roy was;
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Sir Rob Roy was a tailor to
    The King of the Cannibal Islands;
He spoiled a pair of breeches, and
    Was banished to the Highlands."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Then, Bonaparte--say, who was he?
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Ould Bonaparte was King of France
    Before the Revolution;
But he was kilt at Waterloo,
    Which ruined his constitution."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Jist tell me who King Jonah was;
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"King Jonah was the strangest man
    That ever wore a crown, Sir;
For though the whale did swallow him,
    It couldn't keep him down, Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Jist tell me who that Moses was;
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Shure Moses was the Christian name
    Of good King Pharaoh's daughter;
She was a milkmaid, and she took
    A profit from the water."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Jist tell me now where Dublin is;
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Och, Dublin is a town in Cork,
    And built on the equator;
It's close to Mount Vesuvius,
    And watered by the 'craythur.'"

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    And look like a jintlemin, Sir;
Jist tell me now where London is;
    Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Och, London is a town in Spain;
    'Twas lost in the earthquake, Sir;
The cockneys murther English there,
    Whenever they do spake, Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
    Ye're now a jintlemin, Sir;
For in history and geography
    I've taught you all I can, Sir.
And if any one should ask you now,
    Where you got all your knowledge,
Jist tell them 'twas from Paddy Blake,
    Of Bally Blarney College."

                                         James A. Sidey.


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