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Category: Funny Burlesque Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using comic imitation and exaggeration in an absurd way.

  DARWINITY  

Power to thine elbow, thou newest of sciences,
    All the old landmarks are ripe for decay;
Wars are but shadows, and so are alliances,
    Darwin the great is the man of the day.

All other 'ologies want an apology;
    Bread's a mistake--Science offers a stone;
Nothing is true but Anthropobiology--
    Darwin the great understands it alone.

Mighty the great evolutionist teacher is
    Licking Morphology clean into shape;
Lord! what an ape the Professor or Preacher is
    Ever to doubt his descent from an ape.

Man's an Anthropoid--he cannot help that, you know--
    First evoluted from Pongos of old;
He's but a branch of the catarrhine cat, you know--
    Monkey I mean--that's an ape with a cold.

Fast dying out are man's later Appearances,
    Cataclysmitic Geologies gone;
Now of Creation completed the clearance is,
    Darwin alone you must anchor upon.

Primitive Life--Organisms were chemical,
    Busting spontaneous under the sea;
Purely subaqueous, panaquademical,
    Was the original Crystal of Me.

I'm the Apostle of mighty Darwinity,
    Stands for Divinity--sounds much the same--
Apo-theistico-Pan-Asininity
    Only can doubt whence the lot of us came.

Down on your knees, Superstition and Flunkeydom!
    Won't you accept such plain doctrines instead?
What is so simple as primitive Monkeydom
    Born in the sea with a cold in its head?

                                         Herman C. Merivale.


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