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Category: Funny Burlesque Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using comic imitation and exaggeration in an absurd way.

  IF  

If life were never bitter,
    And love were always sweet,
Then who would care to borrow
A moral from to-morrow--
If Thames would always glitter,
    And joy would ne'er retreat,
If life were never bitter,
    And love were always sweet!

If care were not the waiter
    Behind a fellow's chair,
When easy-going sinners
Sit down to Richmond dinners,
And life's swift stream flows straighter,
    By Jove, it would be rare,
If care were not the waiter
    Behind a fellow's chair.

If wit were always radiant,
    And wine were always iced,
And bores were kicked out straightway
Through a convenient gateway;
Then down the year's long gradient
    'Twere sad to be enticed,
If wit were always radiant,
    And wine were always iced.

                 Mortimer Collins.


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