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Category: Funny Satire Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using irony, exaggeration and ridicule, to expose and criticize stupidity and vices.

  THE MEETING OF THE CLABBERHUSES  

                             I

He was the Chairman of the Guild
    Of Early Pleiocene Patriarchs;
He was chief Mentor of the Lodge
    Of the Oracular Oligarchs;
He was the Lord High Autocrat
    And Vizier of the Sons of Light,
And Sultan and Grand Mandarin
    Of the Millennial Men of Might.

He was Grand Totem and High Priest
    Of the Independent Potentates;
Grand Mogul of the Galaxy
    Of the Illustrious Stay-out-lates;
The President of the Dandydudes,
    The Treasurer of the Sons of Glee;
The Leader of the Clubtown Band
    And Architects of Melody.

                             II

She was Grand Worthy Prophetess
    Of the Illustrious Maids of Mark;
Of Vestals of the Third Degree
    She was Most Potent Matriarch;
She was High Priestess of the Shrine
    Of Clubtown's Culture Coterie,
And First Vice-President of the League
    Of the illustrious G. A. B.

She was the First Dame of the Club
    For teaching Patagonians Greek;
She was Chief Clerk and Auditor
    Of Clubtown's Anti-Bachelor Clique;
She was High Treasurer of the Fund
    For Borrioboolighalians,
And the Fund for Sending Browning's Poems
    To Native-born Australians.

                            III

Once to a crowded social fÍte
    Both these much-titled people came,
And each perceived, when introduced,
    They had the selfsame name.
Their hostess said, when first they met:
    "Permit me now to introduce
My good friend Mr. Clabberhuse
    To Mrs. Clabberhuse."

"'Tis very strange," said she to him,
    "Such an unusual name!--
A name so very seldom heard,
    That we should bear the same."
"Indeed, 'tis wonderful," said he,
    "And I'm surprised the more,
Because I never heard the name
    Outside my home before.

"But now I come to look at you,"
    Said he, "upon my life,
If I am not indeed deceived,
    You are--you are--my wife."
She gazed into his searching face
    And seemed to look him through;
"Indeed," said she, "it seems to me
    You are my husband, too.

"I've been so busy with my clubs
    And in my various spheres
I have not seen you now," she said,
    "For over fourteen years."
"That's just the way it's been with me,
    These clubs demand a sight"--
And then they both politely bowed,
    And sweetly said "Good night."

                                Sam Walter Foss.


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