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Category: Funny Satire Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using irony, exaggeration and ridicule, to expose and criticize stupidity and vices.

  THE RECRUIT  

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden:
                "Bedad, yer a bad un!
            Now turn out yer toes!
        Yer belt is unhookit,
        Yer cap is on crookit,
        Ye may not be dhrunk,
        But, be jabers, ye look it!
            Wan--two!
            Wan--two!
Ye monkey-faced divil, I'll jolly ye through!
            Wan--two!--
            Time! Mark!
Ye march like the aigle in Cintheral Parrk!"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden:
        "A saint it ud sadden
        To dhrill such a mug!
        Eyes front!--ye baboon, ye!--
        Chin up!--ye gossoon, ye!
        Ye've jaws like a goat--
        Halt! ye leather-lipped loon, ye!
            Wan--two!
            Wan--two!
Ye whiskered orang-outang, I'll fix you!
            Wan--two!--
            Time! Mark!
Ye've eyes like a bat!--can ye see in the dark?"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden:
        "Yer figger wants padd'n'--
        Sure, man, ye've no shape!
        Behind ye yer shoulders
        Stick out like two boulders;
        Yer shins is as thin
        As a pair of pen-holders!
            Wan--two!
            Wan--two!
Yer belly belongs on yer back, ye Jew!
            Wan--two!--
            Time! Mark!
I'm dhry as a dog--I can't shpake but I bark!"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden:
        "Me heart it ud gladden
        To blacken your eye.
        Ye're gettin' too bold, ye
        Compel me to scold ye,--
        Tis halt! that I say,--
        Will ye heed what I told ye?
            Wan--two!
            Wan--two!
Be jabers, I'm dhryer than Brian Boru!
            Wan--two!--
            Time! Mark!
What's wur-ruk for chickens is sport for the lark!"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden:
        "I'll not stay a gaddin',
        Wid dagoes like you!
        I'll travel no farther,
        I'm dyin' for--wather;--
        Come on, if ye like,--
        Can ye loan me a quather?
            Ya-as, you--
            What,--two?
And ye'll pay the potheen? Ye're a daisy! Whurroo!
            You'll do!
            Whist! Mark!
The Rigiment's flattered to own ye, me spark!"

                                                 Robert W. Chambers.


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