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Category: Funny Satire Poems
       Classic humorous and funny poems using irony, exaggeration and ridicule, to expose and criticize stupidity and vices.

  TRUST IN WOMEN  

    When these things following be done to our intent,
    Then put women in trust and confident.

When nettles in winter bring forth roses red,
    And all manner of thorn trees bear figs naturally,
And geese bear pearls in every mead,
    And laurel bear cherries abundantly,
    And oaks bear dates very plenteously,
And kisks give of honey superfluence,
Then put women in trust and confidence.

When box bear paper in every land and town,
    And thistles bear berries in every place,
And pikes have naturally feathers in their crown,
    And bulls of the sea sing a good bass,
    And men be the ships fishes trace,
And in women be found no insipience,
Then put them in trust and confidence.

When whitings do walk forests to chase harts,
    And herrings their horns in forests boldly blow,
And marmsets mourn in moors and lakes,
    And gurnards shoot rooks out of a crossbow,
    And goslings hunt the wolf to overthrow,
And sprats bear spears in armËs of defence,
Then put women in trust and confidence.

When swine be cunning in all points of music,
    And asses be doctors of every science,
And cats do heal men by practising of physic,
    And buzzards to scripture give any credence,
    And merchants buy with horn, instead of groats and pence,
And pyes be made poets for their eloquence,
Then put women in trust and confidence.

When sparrows build churches on a height,
    And wrens carry sacks unto the mill,
And curlews carry timber houses to dight,
    And fomalls bear butter to market to sell,
    And woodcocks bear woodknives cranes to kill,
And greenfinches to goslings do obedience,
Then put women in trust and confidence.

When crows take salmon in woods and parks,
    And be take with swifts and snails,
And camels in the air take swallows and larks,
    And mice move mountains by wagging of their tails,
    And shipmen take a ride instead of sails,
And when wives to their husbands do no offence,
Then put women in trust and confidence.

When antelopes surmount eagles in flight,
    And swans be swifter than hawks of the tower,
And wrens set gos-hawks by force and might,
    And muskets make verjuice of crabbes sour,
    And ships sail on dry land, silt give flower,
And apes in Westminster give judgment and sentence,
Then put women in trust and confidence.

                                                                                 Unknown.


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